Have you tried to become friends with someone but the bond didn’t form?
Don’t worry. I have come like James Bond to rescue you😁
There are four pillars to create bonds. I learned them after struggling with not making friends for many years.
Before showing you the pillars, I will like you to understand that the primary key to friendship is showing genuine interest in people.
Yes, some people are hard and snobby but there are extremely few people who won’t be drawn to you if you show genuine interest in them.
But genuine interest is not stalking or overwhelming them with yourself. It is showing that you care (mild unforced care).
If your care is “excess” and doesn’t flow naturally, you’ll look like someone who has ulterior motives and they’ll become protective against you.
Just give them CONSISTENT mild care from time to time. They will soon give in.
Now, after that is settled and you have started talking, here’s how to turn dry conservations into a strong mutual bond.
How To Create A Strong Bond
1. Develop common interests or desires
Bond comes by talking. If there’s nothing to talk about, forget about bonding. One way to always have what to talk about is by engaging in activities of common interests.
Something as simple as both learning drop shipping or serving in the choir can help create a spark. You can talk about what you learnt and the challenges you’re facing.
If you both don’t have common interests, you can get interested in something they are interested in. Ask them questions about it. (That’s another way to show genuine interest in them).
You can love what they love or love the way they love it if you love them.
What having an area of common interest does is to make you a face of something they want/like, and they then transfer that liking to you.😎
2. Share your pains and weaknesses
Talking about challenges, there’s something called the “fellowship of suffering”. In my opinion, this is the strongest form of bond— sharing your pain and weaknesses with the person.
The closest friend I had during my days in college come out of a health challenge. I was down with Tuberculosis and she was the only person who was always present. She said in my pains and I couldn’t let her go.
Here, you are opening up about things you’ll naturally hide from others. You are becoming vulnerable to them and showing them you’re not as superman as people think.
The thing is… It takes a high level of trust to share your scars with someone. When you do, you make them feel trusted and they draw closer.
You also feel you have someone that understands you and you draw closer too.
PS: Don’t overwhelm people with your problems. You can’t keep sharing what’s not working every single day. You’ll become a joy stealer and they’ll run from you.
PSS: Be wise not to share very deep scars at the beginning. Start from the surface and only go deeper as you trust them more.
3. Share your life and tell them things that are normally not their business
On days when you are not talking about scars, conversations should not be scarce, right?🤷🏻♂️
So you talk about random “what’s their business?” stuff like how the food you ate yesterday wasn’t tasty or how the bike man was overspeeding and you were scared.
What this does is make you both see yourself as one. “Anything I experience or know, you should also know since we are one”
This mindset of breaking the barrier between both of you is the secret sauce of bond and what will make the other pillars effective.
4. Think about them
This one is also fun. Your conversations shouldn’t end when you’re not together.
As things happen in your life, begin to picture and anticipate how you’re going to share the gist with them.
When they are a part of your life in your mind, they’ll naturally be a part of your life physically.
PSSS: Ensure you use these four pillars with someone’s girlfriend before she bonds with you more than him😂
But it works for all kinds of relationships.
Olusegun Iyejare is a career coach and certified counselor. He helps individuals discover and maximize their potential to live satisfying lives regardless of obvious limitations holding them back.