Knowing how to create strong bonds is not all there is to making close friends.
If the person you’re trying to bond with doesn’t like you, all your moves to become close to them will be annoying.
So instead of them feeling one with you when you share about your day, they’ll feel you talk too much.🙊
This can be frustrating.
Let me share with you how to make people like you…
***People Willingly Bond When Someone They Feel Is Cool Makes Them Feel They Are Cool.***
Understand this and you’ll be on top of your social game.
So, there are two stages to it.
1. They must feel you are cool
2. You must make them feel they are cool
How To Make People Like To Be Your Friend
1. Make them feel they are cool
Let’s start from No. 2 since that is what you can fully control
Making them feel they are cool is basically by being genuinely interested in them and their stories.
The reason this will work is because everybody likes to be heard, understood and to share their stories (including you).
If you go to them and you aren’t concerned about projecting your emotions and pain and instead become sensitive to their own emotions…
giving them full attention when they speak, asking relevant questions to show you are interested in what they are saying, they will feel cool.
“Wow, so somebody thinks I am this fascinating?”
Don’t assume you know them and don’t be in a haste to tell your own stories.
This means you won’t be cooking your response in your head while they are still talking.
You will stand out and they’ll want to talk to you more.
PS: Don’t pretend you are interested in them/what they are saying. They will know.
Be GENUINELY interested. If you aren’t interested in them, why do you want to be their friend in the first place?
But this is just one part.
2. Be cool yourself
If they don’t feel you are cool, how you make them feel wouldn’t matter.
This part is not totally under your control because people like different things and you can’t change their taste.
But there are few things you can do to generally improve your coolness
- pimp up your grooming (how you look). Not necessarily become flashy, but be presentable
- become valuable in at least one area/have something to contribute. Be a master at something of your choice. Develop some skills.
- remain confident in yourself. The last thing you will ever want to do is make it obvious that you are in dire need of a friend
Desperation is big turn off❌❌
When you aren’t forcing yourself on people or begging them to hang around you, you look scarce and THEY will begin to desire you.
Humans naturally want what they can’t get.
- smile. I don’t know why but this one just works.
Always carrying a smile makes you attractive.
This is certainly not all but they can help. These 4 points are aimed at making your presence a boost to their social status.
Take a day off and ask yourself “based on how I am currently, will people want to flaunt me to their friends?”
If no, start developing the skills
- Don’t change because you want a particular person to like you. Change because you want to upgrade your life and like yourself more.
(I’ll link to one of my previous posts, explaining why and how you shouldn’t)
- Remember you aren’t desperate for friends. If the person still isn’t interested in you, forget about it.
Never become a social slave trying to become their taste. You won’t enjoy it.
Instead, let your life attract people who appreciate what you are and are becoming.
Making friends isn’t hard. Have a nice time as you practice.
Here’s Why You Shouldn’t Change FOR Someone
Olusegun Iyejare is a career coach and certified counselor. He helps individuals discover and maximize their potential to live satisfying lives regardless of obvious limitations holding them back.