It’s so simple, I don’t know why I didn’t get it earlier🤦🏾
Certainly, you know that if you want to make more friends spontaneously you need to master spontaneous conversations.
But what can you tell someone who you’ve just met that will sustain the conversation for 15mins?
Everybody who struggles to find what to say and feels they are boring ALWAYS becomes better when they make these 4 changes.
Overcome your need to impress the other person
You already have what you say, trust me. And you’re interesting.
But the moment you become preoccupied and start worrying about how you sound and how interesting you are, you’ll begin to feel awkward.
And that will make you make mistakes and say boring things, thereby fulfilling your fears.
Seriously, nobody who is worth being friends with is keenly watching for how interesting/boring you are.
They are seeking people they can connect with and they are busy putting their own words together to sound interesting to you.
Just go confidently and be in charge. See yourself as an interesting person.
Lower your value-adding bar
Yes, I know you’ve been taught to watch what you say and I’m NOT saying you should say rubbish.
But most times, you sincerely have what to say. Things come to your mind but you don’t say them because you feel they aren’t valuable enough.
But this is chitchat for God’s sake.
The goal is not to give them deep statements. You’ll be surprised that people will avoid you (not like you) when they need fun and you’re forcing depth.
BE READY TO SAY ANYTHING. Don’t worry! As long as there’s no trash in you, you won’t say trash.
Read explanation #1 again.
Share personal stories
This is the point where you MIGHT need your censor so you won’t tell them highly sensitive stuffs about yourself.
(You reveal more as you trust them more)
But conversations are sustained by QUESTIONS and STORIES. If you start by asking for their name, you can chip in a SHORT story of how everybody you’ve met bearing that name looks alike.
If they are interested in the conversation they will ask you for details or tell a story. But if they don’t, you can ask a different question.
Don’t forget: Questions + Stories
But in all these, don’t force it.
Remember you’re also looking to connect with someone. So if there’s no connection, don’t stay there for hours, trying in vain.
You’ll end up being awkward.
You don’t have to have something to say
If you meet someone and there’s sincerely nothing to talk about, you can just stay there and enjoy the moment in silence.
Or simply greet them and leave.
Don’t feel bad and boring because you’re unable to hold a conversation.
Who says YOU must be the one to keep the conversation alive? Why won’t THEY stress to try to find what to say?
It’s a two-way thing. If a conversation doesn’t hold, it means BOTH OF YOU couldn’t get what to say. It doesn’t mean YOU are boring.
Having chitchats is a skill and you get better at skills by PRACTICE. The more you do it, the more you discover it wasn’t that hard after all.
You will live a satisfying life ❤️
Olusegun Iyejare is a career coach and certified counselor. He helps individuals discover and maximize their potential to live satisfying lives regardless of obvious limitations holding them back.