It is God’s will for you to be single all your life. This will be a very shocking statement to you if you do not understand the definition of singleness by Dr. Myles Munroe.
But first let us look at God’s disposition towards singleness right from the beginning. It is evident that God prioritises being single over being married because He first created a single individual before marriage.
God was saying in essence that a single person is more important than a couple. This is even quite logical. A marriage consists of two individuals, so for every marriage to exist, there must first be two singles.
The building block of society, therefore, is not the family, but individuals.
But now that we have seen that being single is more important than being married, how does it prove that God wants us to be single for the rest of our lives? If God wanted Adam to remain single, why did he create Eve and marriage?
This leads us to the definition of singleness.
What is singleness by Myles Munroe?
To be single is not the same as being unmarried. To be single means to be seperate (apart, detached, different), unique (original, distinctive, special), and whole (complete, unified, one with self, to be one). — Dr Myles Munroe
This is God’s goal for every human: that we be seperate, unique and whole; not needing another person to complete us or make us feel special; having our own lives and living fulfilled on our own. This is singleness and what we should seek to become before marriage and even if we don’t want to get married.
Principles of Singleness by Myles Munroe
1. It is God’s will for every person, married or unmarried, to be single
Singleness is a state to be pursued, not avoided. It is the most important state of human development and the foundation of God’s design for the human family.
You do not need to be married to fulfil God’s plan for your life. In fact Paul tells in 1 Corinthians 7 that you will be at a better position to fulfil God’s purposes if you are unmarried. You need relationships to survive and fulfil purpose on earth but it doesn’t necessarily have to be a spouse.
2. Your marriage is only as good as your singleness
The quality of your single life is what creates the quality of your marriage.
To understand this, let us examine the ultimate tragedy of relationships — divorce. Dr. Myles Munroe defines divorce as the death of a relationship, a death that is worse than physical death because the person is not buried and memories are reawakened when the parties meet.
There is no divorce without marriage and there is no marriage without singles. This is why when Jesus was asked if it was lawful to divorce for any and every reason, His response was not first about divorce.
He said, “In beginning, God made male and female…” before He goes on to answer. He was saying the root issue is not divorce or marriage but the singles (male and female) in it. If you have a male and a female that are truly single (separate, unique and whole the way God made them), you will have a successful marriage (Matthew 19:3,4).
3. You bring to the marriage what you are as a single
Nothing miraculously changes on your wedding day. The quality of your single life is what creates the quality of your life after marriage. The more single you are, the safer it is for the person you get married to, and vice versa.
If you are not whole as a person before marriage, you won’t be whole after marriage because nobody can complete you. If you are lonely before marriage, you will become more lonely after marriage because this time, you are locked up with just one person.
Loneliness is proof that you have not come in contact with yourself.
Marriage does not improve your singleness or lack of it— it only reveals it. Not only should you pursue to be single, you should also ensure you marry a single person.
4. You are not ready for marriage until you no longer need marriage
Being desperate for marriage is a sign that you aren’t single yet, you haven’t found a life of your own and haven’t come in contact with yourself or purpose. Therefore you are not ready for marriage.
If you are in a marriage where you “need” the person, you will become a parasite to the partner, always wanting their presence, approval and requiring from them a sense of personal satisfaction and completeness that cannot be gotten from people.
You shouldn’t get married because you are starving for something. You should get married because you have excess in yourself to give and you are looking for someone to give to. Your value in the relationship increases the more single you are.
The goal of every married person therefore should be to maintain their singleness in the marriage. When you come as a complete person wanting to give and your partner comes as a complete person wanting to give too, the needs of both parties are constantly met as both of you complement each other.
No human can meet your ego needs, soul’s needs and spiritual needs. All of these should be met for you to be single and before you get married if you. While you prepare for marriage, work on becoming single. It takes two single (separate, unique and whole) persons to make a successful marriage.
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Olusegun Iyejare is a career coach and certified counselor. He helps individuals discover and maximize their potential to live satisfying lives regardless of obvious limitations holding them back.