There are several measures out there that people use to determine their worth: if I have this then I am worthy of this.
While it is true that what we receive is dependent on what we are worth, the measure we use to determine our worth universally is mostly incorrect. Self-esteem is your evaluation of how much you deserve in life in comparison to others.
If you think you don’t deserve the kind of Life some people are living, for instance, then you have low self-esteem.
Now, every other esteem you have of yourself that is not a representation of your true worth is false. Just like, any other price you pay for a $1 pen is not its true worth; you either paid higher or lower since it’s true what is $1.
The valuation of yourself that is a representation of your true worth is true self-esteem.
To understand what your true worth is, read How To Measure My Worth Without External Things
The point of this article is to let you easily distinguish when you are holding true self-esteem or not.
Differences Between True/Authentic Self-Esteem and False/ Self-Esteem
|TRUE SELF-ESTEEM||FALSE SELF-ESTEEM|
|Built on intrinsic evidences||Built on extrinsic evidences|
|High sense of self-importance||Low or inflated sense of self-importance|
|Fixed||Varies with external factors|
|Triggers work||Demands work|
1. True self-esteem is built on intrinsic evidences while false self-esteem is built on extrinsic evidences
Any self-esteem that is built on factors that are outside the individual is false self-esteem. Be it money, relationships, career, success, or reputation. Nothing outside a person is a true measure of their worth. The only measure of a person’s worth is their significance to the overall program of life and that significance is built within them.
2. True self-esteem is high self-esteem while one with false self-esteem has a low or inflated sense of importance
True self-esteem will give you a high sense of self-importance because understanding how you impact the program of life will reveal to you how valuable and worthy you are. Any other sense of self-importance either low or inflated is not true self-esteem.
One with true self-esteem understands that he is valuable so his self-esteem is not low, but he also understands that the world does not revolve around him since everyone has an equal level of significance, so it is not inflated.
3. True self-esteem is built on a basis of universal worth while false self-esteem is built on a basis of peculiar/individual worth
True self-esteem gives the individual an equal sense of worth with everyone else. The moment you see yourself as being more valuable or less valuable than anyone else, you are no longer having true self-esteem.
A sense of worth isn’t peculiar to any individual. With true self-esteem, you understand that we are all worthy and should be treated so. So, your sense of worth is built on universal worth.
4. One with true self-esteem has a fixed sense of worth while false self-esteem varies with external factors
If you have true self-esteem, you understand that your worth is fixed and there’s nothing that happens or doesn’t happen that would change it. If your sense of worth changes with circumstances, you do not hold true self-esteem. This is because your importance to the program of life has been determined and is fixed.
5. True self-esteem triggers work while false self-esteem demands work
Once you constantly have to do something to maintain your self-esteem, you’re holding false self-esteem. Although work is a significant part of one’s life whether one has true or false self-esteem, the motivation behind the work is what differs.
One with false self-esteem does work to increase their feeling of worthiness while the one with true self-esteem does work because they know they are worthy. The work is only in response or a display of understanding of your worth.
6 True self-esteem is healthy while false self-esteem is unhealthy
This is the reason behind this entire series on self-esteem. True self-esteem is the only healthy form of self-esteem. Self-esteem built on anything else except your true worth to the overall program of life comes with certain limitations and disadvantages like unhealthy competition, depression, reduced productivity, destructive relationships, and so on.
Read the benefits of true self-esteem to understand better.
7. True self-esteem is built on a worth that isn’t earned while false self-esteem has to be earned
True self-esteem is built on a sense of which is not earned, instead, you understand that right from creation you were created as a personal worth and value. With false self-esteem, on the other hand, you constantly still have to do things to feel worthy, and your present sense of worth is based on what you have accomplished in the past.
Olusegun Iyejare is a career coach and certified counselor. He helps individuals discover and maximize their potential to live satisfying lives regardless of obvious limitations holding them back.